Good grief.  Kinky Friedman is thinking about another run for Governor.  According to Fort Bend Now, this time around, he wants to run as a dimocrat.  Well, they can have him.

In fact, he opined, if he had run as a dimocrat last time, he might just be hanging out in the governor’s crib right now instead of peddling cigars in Sugar Land.  He figures he would have pulled more votes than Bellzilla.  Well, duh.  Most anyone with a pulse coulda done that. 

Kinky said “The signs are very positive.”  Dude, those aren’t signs, they’re hallucinations.  They probably go along with those voices in your head.

In our part of Wilco World, we’ve got a special place in our hearts for America’s service men and women.  We believe they have earned our respect and deserve much more the paltry benefits Congress doles out to them.  (Except for alleged rapist and murderer Cesar Laurean - who, if guilty, deserves a very slow and very painful death.)

However, we believe there is a truly special place in Hell for those who seek to enrich or promote themselves on the backs of our fine veterans.  We hereby nominate Roger Chapin, Mike Lynch, and Richard A. Viguerie for such a special little hot spot. 

According to the Washington Post, the unholy trio created two charities, Help Hospitalized Veterans and the Coalition to Support America’s Heroes.  The first raised more than $168 million in two years, with 75% going to fund the trio’s lavish lifestyles, country club memberships, trips, loans, salaries, spousal support, and so on.  They make Congressional junkets look like a quickie in a hot sheet motel. 

In his testimony before Congress, Chapin defended the current lack of disclosure regulations for charities stating,

“If we disclose, which I’m more than happy to do, we’d all be out of business.  Nobody would donate.  It would dry up.”   

It appears Chapin’s charities are so inept at managing their funds that the American Institute of Philanthropy has them on their watch list.

The really special, special place in Hell is reserved for retired Generals Tommy Franks and Arthur Diehl, III, who sold their reputations, rank, and influence to Chapin’s charities for a paltry thirty pieces of silver.  Franks got $100 grand and Diehl got a cool $5K a month.

We are dismayed at their fall from glory because of simple greed.  We are dismayed that they have cheapened the ranks of General Officers.  In our book, they are Officers and Gentlemen no more.  

To Hell with you Generals.  To Hell with You.

The Harris County District Attorney’s race has become a target-rich race for sure.  It’s soooo great to be able to pick on those snooty big-city republicans. 

Ol’ Lovestruck Chuck Rosenthal is apparently really out of the race.  Unless the dimocrats sue to put him back on the ballot as some political pundits have suggested.  Why they would do something stoopid like that now is beyond all reasoning.

Seems the right, honorable Criminal District Attorney (couldn’t resist that pun) sent more than just love notes to his squeeze from his county computer.  He managed to get caught using the county computer to work on his political campaign.  For a lawyer, that’s a really dumb move.  For a DA, that’s worse than dumb.  It’s criminal.  The County Judge has asked Attorney General Greg Abbott to investigate. 

Then there are the dirty pictures and the racist jokes he’s been getting from his BFF and MD.  It’s OK if people send smut and stuff to your email account, it’s when you forward it on that causes a stink.  Again, for a DA, that’s just dumb.  Then there was his hardcore porn. 

Congratulations Chuck, you’ve gone from being the most powerful prosecutor in Texas to being a Texas-sized turd in the GOP punchbowl.

Remember when we mentioned his Dr. BFF was the source of the smut and racist jokes?  Well, turns Mrs. Doctor Smut is Kelly Seigler, one of the republican candidates for Chuck’s job.  We’re not saying that Mrs. Doctor Smut shares her hubby’s proclivity for smut and such.   But she evidently shares Chuck’s proclivity for stoopid.

According to the Houston Chronicle, here’s what Mrs. Doctor Smut had to say about her reasons for striking an african american man as a potential juror in a capital murder case:

“To start with, he’s a member of Lakewood Church.  And we have had a running agreement, my partner Luci Davidson and I have, since we started, that people who go to Lakewood (Church) are screwballs and nuts.”

Digging in even deeper, she continued:

“I’m very familiar with that church.  We try our hardest not to put anybody who goes to Lakewood regularly on any jury, he’s (the potential juror) a pretty devout member of Lakewood Church.  That’s one reason that scared me about the man.”

While she admitted making the comments, she blathered on about being taken out of context and even managed to dig herself in a little deeper, stating she had never been to Lakewood, and was talking about things she heard about the church. 

“I understand that it probably hurt people’s feeling but I said it in the context of trying to do my job.”

No sh*t?  What part of what you said do you think might have done that? 

Could it be the “screwballs and nuts” comments?  Maybe it was the “running agreement” to keep “pretty devout” members of Joel Osteen’s megachurch off juries based on what you’ve “heard” about its members.  But that’s all OK in your keen legal mind because you’ve purchased and read all of Joel Osteen’s books.

Isn’t that just special?

We give up.  We’ve watched the Harris County GOP try to selfdestruct over Lovestruck Chuck.  Are you in or are you out?  You love me, you love me not. 

Enough already. 

Uncle.

Lovestruck Chuck, the Harris County DA, is back on the front page of the Houston Chronicle.  Again.  Chuck seems a bit confused as to why republicans have their knickers in a twist over his affair with and naughty emails to his secretary.  

In Chuck’s world, seems the best defense is a good offense.  Taking a shot at the Harris County GOP, he told Houston TV reporters that the local GOP had never done much to help him get elected and called the party leaders “Chicken Littles”.  

Jared Woodfill, head of the GOP, not one to take Lovestruck Chuck’s insults lying down, called that a slap in the face to party volunteers who blockwalk and make phone calls on behalf of republican candidates and quipped,

“If Chuck Rosenthal believes he doesn’t need the Republican Party then he should run as an independent.” 

Harris County Judge Ed Emmett and his republican opponent, former District Clerk Charles Bacarisse, have called for him to step down.  County Tax Assessor-Collector Paul Bettencourt is trying to negotiate a middle ground for Lovestruck Chuck.  Do you see a pattern here, Chuck?

In a fit of bravado - or maybe just a fit of some sort - Rosenthal said there is no one qualified to run against him.  WTF?  Chuck, you REALLY need to check your meds -and we don’t mean your Viagra.  Harris County is flippin’ infested with attorneys qualified to run for District Attorney.  Hell, there’s probably hundreds or even thousands of lawyers more qualified than you.  Smarter, too.  Why, there could even be dozens that are not tapping their secretaries and sending them mushy emails.  Whether or not they want to take on the task of cleaning up the nasty mess you made in your office is something else entirely.

We know that sex and politicians go together like peanut butter and chocolate, but gee, Chuck, didn’t you learn anything in school?  Like sit down and shut up?   

Our second year of blogging has come and gone.  We never predicted we’d be around this long or that we would have so many targets of opportunity.  With that in mind, we thought we’d treat you to our WilcoWise Awards for 2007.

To the Commissioner’s Court, we give the You Will Respect My Authority Award.  Who knew the Gang of Four was such a whiney bunch of thin-skinned control freaks??  Hoping to avoid listening to constituents or maybe being exposed to a freak wardrobe malfunction, they instituted a conduct and dress code.  They could have nailed their manifesto to the doors, except the doors are glass.  Oh well.  Guess that underneath their berkas, dominatrices Covey and Birkman are decked out in rubber, vinyl, or leather.  We shudder to think what Masters Gattis and Morrison may be wearing under their dockers.

To County Judge Dan Gattis, we give the Daddy Warbucks Award.  Not content at proclaiming himself as Master of All Things Wilco, Gattis also proclaimed himself CEO and CFO of the county.  Well EIEIO to you, Ayatollah.  The only problem with that was that Texas law requires an independent budget officer in counties with populations over 225,000.  It took an Attorney General’s opinion to make him back off.  Not to worry, the Ayatollah will just have Baby Boy Gattis pass a bill next session to change the law.  He could try to evict everyone who’s lived full-time in county less than 10 years to reduce the population, but then he’d have to leave, too.

To Gary Griffin, we give the Hold My Breath Until I Turn Blue Award.  Our crybaby constable provided us with so much of our blog fodder that we just had to recognize him somehow.  Where can we begin?  As if issuing ultimatums to the Gang of Four and then suing the County wasn’t bad enough, he has delusions of taking his budget battle to the Supremes.  Too bad he’ll have to check his Taser at the door.

To Mike Krusee, we give the Home Wrecker Award.  Everyone who has had their nice, quiet neighborhood in Wilcoworld forever altered by the incessant roar of traffic from Krusee’s toll roads will remember him for years to come.  Just not in a good way.

To speaker Craddick, we give the I Moved Your Cheese Award.  Heckfire, he took the entire dessert cart, the buffet table, and all the silverware, and claimed it all as his.  When it comes to Texas-style politics, he’s got it down.  He started the Session promising to be a kinder, gentler speaker, but it didn’t take long to revert right back to his true speaker ways.  What with his shake downs, take downs, and back stabbin’ it’s no wonder that the members revolted.  In 2003, he told members he wanted one session as speaker.  In 2005, he told them he just wanted one more session.  He told them the same thing in 2007.  Guess what he wants in 2009?  Well, fool me once, shame on you…

To the 80th Lege, we give the Hell House Award.  What can we write about it that hasn’t already been writ?  We knew it was going to be an auspicious Session when Congress Avenue and the Capitol grounds were littered with the corpses of dead grackles.  Turned out it was a parasite that killed them.  And here we thought the only parasites were members and staffers sack-dragging their way through the lobby corps.  There were rumors of sightings of Hitchcock’s shadow in the halls behind the House Chambers, but it was only the shadowsof fat cat lobbyists paying homage to the speaker at his capitol crib– and dropping off donations to pay for the $1,000 crappers he needs to conduct speaker bidness.  We hear the shadows were caught on video, but the speaker says releasing the tapes are a security threat.  Uh huh.

We admit we missed a couple of juicy things.  Tough, it’s our blog.  If you have some award-worthy memories of 2007, let us know.  We might just post them.