Uber-crazy she-mom-from-hell Cindy Sheehan has bought a five-acre plot in Crawford.  Seems she wants to be closer to the western whitehouse, W’s Prairie Chapel Ranch.

Well, hell. There goes the neighborhood.  For some reason, she and her peacenik friends were having trouble finding a site for their tent-city peace camp.  Mean old McLennan County officials passed an ordinance prohibiting camping and porta potties on the side of the road. 

So, she bought her own place.  Says she’ll sell as soon as W is impeached or resigns.  Guess she plans on being there for a while.

Bet the neighbors downwind from Camp Outhouse are going to just love their new neighbor.  All those Porta potties baking in the Texas summer sun.  Can’t imagine what that’s going to do to local property values. 

Welcome to the neighborhood.

Beware.  Some must see TV is going to be preempted by the “Texas Debates” at 8PM on Thursday, October 5.  Sponsored by Dallas media outlets, our candidates for governor will try and win some last minute votes by “debating” each other on live TV. 

If you believe for one minute that the “debates” are not heavily scripted in advance, we’ve got a big lake in the Gobi for sale.  Real cheap.  We’re predicting a new ratings low and a spike for everything else on cable.  Heck, people don’t watch the presidential debates, why would they watch the goober debates?

Gov Perry is playing hard to get - not saying if he’ll be there or not.  Oh yea, right.  Like he’s gonna let the other guys have one hour of free TV time to play Pin the Tail on Perry?  Not happening.  

There’s plenty of time between now and October for Perry to touch up his tan, get some botox and/or restylane treatments, fluff up his hair, and do Texas proud.  SWWNBN can go on another diet.  Bell could work on his ghostly pallor.  Kinky could…uh well, anything would be an improvement there.

The “debates” might be worth watching to see if Kinky comes up with some new one-liners or just repeats the same old same old.  SWWNBN might get her shrill on good enough to shatter glass.  Bell might be able to swing a couple of votes his way as he tries to vault from fourth place in the polls to well, a higher spot fourth place. 

To make sure it’s really horrible, the PTBs didn’t invite the Libertarian.  Guess they didn’t want to show up the rest of the candidates.

Politicians and their consultants love polls & their pollsters.  They treat their pollsters like a mistress - demanding exclusivity and total discretion.  Good pollsters, like a mistress, are very expensive and very discrete. 

But make no mistake, all are for sale to the highest bidder.  In the case of the Wall Street Journal, the pollster is John Zogby, who is well known for calling election results.  Like a psychic, he gets some right and he gets some wrong.  Unlike a psychic, he gets way more right than wrong.

According to the WSJ, Zogby’s latest poll shows Rick Perry with a 17 point lead over his opponents.  With a margin of error of +/- 3.7% and 11.1 % undecided (or just plain not telling), here’s how the results stack up against the April poll (see Topping the Charts): 

Kinky surpassed everyone with a 4.1 point jump to 20.7%. Perry got an additional two points for good hair, rising up to 38.3%.  Bell got an olympian increase of .1 of a point (yes, that’s 1/10th of a point, not a typo) bringing him all the way up to 20.8%.  She who will not be named tumbled 8 points, all the way down to 11%. 

Over in the Senate race, things are moving a bit differently.  Since March, Miss Kitty’s ratings have been on a steady decline while dimocrat Barbara Radnofsky is steadily climbing.  The donks are braying quite loudly about this.  We’re gonna tell you what they won’t.  Miss Kitty still commands a 15.5% lead - 52.2% to 36.7%.  Even if the donkey lady could manage to gather up all the undecideds and not tellings, she’d still only be at 47.8%.

We know it ain’t over ’til the fat lady sings in November, but it’s sure fun to watch.

Chris Bell is trying to kill you.  If you watch his commercial, you will know what we mean.  Bwah ha ha ha ha ha….

It is possible - not likely, but possible that voters will rid congress of one of it’s more egregious embarrassments next month.  We are referring to Georgia’s moonbat congresswoman Cynthia McKinney.  It will take a runoff to do it, but it is possible.

You remember McKinney.  She slugged a capitol cop because he stopped her from charging into the capitol after skirting around the metal detectors.  She wasn’t wearing her ID pin and the cop didn’t recognize her.  If anyone else tried to pull a stunt like that, they would still be in jail.  Or dead.

McKinney screamed to the rafters that the cop was racist for not recognizing her, and for stopping her, and; therefore, deserved to be punched out.  The DA decided not to prosecute - her being a member and all.  She did offer a left-handed apology for that - well sorta, kinda.  What bullsh*t.

In McKinney’s alternate universe, both republicans and dimocrats populate the evil empire.  After 9-11, her over-the-top support and sympathy of terrorist goups and activities got her run out of office.  But, like the preverbial boomerang, she was re-elected in 2004.  Now she’s BFF with crazy she-mom Cindy Sheehan.

They deserve each other.

Former golden child Ralph Reed was shown the door by Georgia voters in his run for lite gov - and hung with a no trespassing warning while they were at it.

According to the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Reed started out a sure-fire winner.  Once upon a time he was THE poster child for the Christian Coalition.  Name recognition - check.  Once upon a time, he could incite EC voters to hit the streets and swamp the polls.  Organization - check.  How about having Rudy Giuliani, Sean Hannity, Pat Robertson & Newt Gingrich in your corner? Supporters - check.  He had it all and he was headed straight up.  First the state house and then maybe the white house.

Oops.  Reed admitted defeat by 10PM last night - with 8% of the votes still out.  Pundits will debate how a candidate who once graced the cover of Time magazine as the pied piper of the Reagan revolution could get skinned 56% to 44% in a state-wide race.  In Georgia. The answers are easy - greed and hubris.

There is waaaaaaay too much money in campaign cookie jars.  Congressional cookie jars float on a sea of money and influence.  Reed was awash in it all and took on the role of money changer for the temple.  Christian values?  Wink, wink, nudge, nudge.  Only for the grass roots.  Do as I say, not as I do.  Show me the money!  Show me the money!

What once shimmered like gold, was revealed to be only brass.  He was tempted and he took.  And took, and took, and took.  Tens of millions of dollars by his own admission.

You can’t fool all the people all of the time.  But they sure try.

Politics is known for making for some strange bedfellows.  In fact, some politicians are legendary for changing political bed partners more often than most people change their socks.  That’s why lobbyists are paid the big bucks.  It’s not cheap to grovel and curry favor with politicians. 

However, unlike lobbyists, most politicians nowadays usually graze only on one side of the fence.  According to the Quorum Report, Sen Eddie Lucio (D-Brownsville) has endorsed She Who Will Not Be Named for governor over dimocrat Clueless Chris Bell.  If that weren’t enough to get the dims in a donkey blue snit, Lucio also endorsed Lt Gov David Dewhurst. 

Lucio is not the most promiscuous politico in the lege - that particular designation has long been held by a fellow dimocrat senator.  What remains to be seen is the effect of his endorsements.  If Lucio’s picks win, he will be regarded as a prescient non-partisan - with a heck of a lot of political capital to spend on higher office as he chooses.  If not, he can resign himself to being a politically radioactive bench warmer. 

Or not.  With two indies in the race and both major parties eating their young, all bets are off.

We thought the RRISD school board was the most entertaining one around.  We thought it would be pretty near impossible to top the antics of former board member Steve Copenhaver and candidate Karl whatshisname (See April’s School Daze and Stick a Falken in Him).

Boy were we wrong.  Top place now goes to the Manor school board for the antics of its trustee Reginald Turner.  According to the Statesman, Turner’s antics have been providing fodder for a year or so.  Where can we begin? 

In 1998, he was busted for hot checks, bond jumping, and failing to identify himself to the cops.  His “later, dudes” excuse for lying about who he was to the cops is a classic.  He knew there was a warrant out on him and that he’d be arrested once they figured out who he was.  But you see, he had all his stuff in his car that he couldn’t leave out on the side of the road.  It would be a scavenger’s feast for criminals.  He should know.

Obviously, Manor voters aren’t into a values-based education because Turner was elected trustee in 2004.  Do as I say, not as I do kiddies.

Last July, he got into a heated dispute with the missus.  As a result, he was charged with Assault with Bodily Injury.  We’re pretty sure Turner figured out it’s hard for a convicted wife beater to get re-elected.  Now, Turner says he was merely defending himself from an abusive wife.

In June, he was busted for Forgery - a felony.  His defense on this one is even better.  Yep, he was a victim here, too.  Specifically, “a victim in a series of unfortunate events“.

Turner is claiming he fell for a scam after getting a letter that he had won some sort of lottery.  Can’t remember which lottery he won, but he viewed his winnings as a blessing from above.  So, he cashed the bogus lottery check at a check cashing place, wired the money back to the lottery hq, then sat back and waited for his cut blessing to arrive.  Can’t get re-elected if the voters know you are soooo greedy and stupid you fell for that scam, so you blame it on God. 

Much to his chagrin, it wasn’t the prize patrol knocking at his door, it was the cops.  The board has to wait for a disposition on the charges before they can take action on the matter.  That pesky innocent until proven guilty thing. 

Until then, they just have to put up with Lemony Snicket.  And wait for the next unfortunate event.

Here’s yet another news item about the remodeling of the Speaker’s apartment up in the Capitol.   The governor gets free digs.  The speaker gets free digs.  Tough luck if you’re the lite gov - who presides over the Texas Senate.  Go find your own place to live.  Lucky for David Dewhurst, he has just enough of a personal fortune to afford a place in Austin. 

Texas is the only state to provide an apartment to the speaker.  If you can wrap your mind around giving a free apartment on state property to a person selected not elected, not by voters, but by members of the good old boys club up in the House, you ought to be able to wrap your head around the rest of this stuff.

First, the state budget wasn’t big enough to remodel the 2,000 square foot apartment to his taste, so the speaker & his wife put the squeeze on the lobby corps.  To the tune of $2 million.  No way there is any quid pro quo going on here, right??

Let’s start with the $1,400 washing machine and matching $850.00 dryer.  Like we believe the Craddick’s actually wash their own clothes.  How about the $15K stove & $7K fridge.  Uh huh.  We’re betting the Craddick’s can whip up a mighty fine spread on that fancy cook top.  Then, there is the gazillion dollar New Zealand wool carpeting.   Craddick is from west Texas.  Perry went to A&M, where men are men and sheep are scared.  Between the two of them couldn’t they find some Texas sheep?

We saved the best for last.  His and hers thousand dollar toilets.  What the heck does a $1K john look like anyway?  Does it do something special?  Either way, we’d be too afraid to use it.

What a load. 

Summertime in Texas is beautiful to behold.  Temperatures are hotter than a scorpion’s sting and the breeze is hotter than BBQ grill.  All in all, it’s pretty miserable in the depths of the dog days of summer.

Speaking of dogs, we just got a tip about a big policy change around the courthouse.  Which county official do you suppose has mandated that employees must wear pantyhose?  We are assuming this policy only applies to females - but we could be wrong. 

County Clerk Nancy “The Queen of Mean” Rister must have some kind of sweat fetish to come up with an insane policy like this in the middle of our Texas summer.  Who knows, maybe she has a thing against panty lines.  We’ve heard she has a thing against hair dye, too.  Guess she wants to be the only bottle blonde in the office. 

At this rate, we can hardly wait to find out about her next policy.