Happy, happy, joy, joy.  Pink Dome has returned from hiatus.  We were so bummed out by his leaving, we missed his return back in March.   Hacks and flacks beware. 

Any time now, Speaker Straus is going to announce the winners of the House Committee Chairs contest.  There will be cause for joy, cause for angst, and cause for agony, depending on who lands where.

Speaker Straus, or so rumor has it, doesn’t appear to be all ate up with vengence and spite, unlike the former, unlamented speaker Craddick.  But, make no mistake, this here beauty contest is still all about power - who has it, who won’t, and who wields it best.

Baby Boy Gattis should be stuck in the penalty box.  Heck, the penalty box is too good for him - he should be out and out shunned.  He was a Craddick supporter…until he filed for speaker his own self…until he supported Smithee…until he ditched Smithee and jumped back in the race.  He flipped and flopped more than a big mouth bass spitting your lure right back at you.  John Kerry, eat your heart out. 

As for the rest of the die-hard Craddick supporters, Warren Chisum (Pampa), Frank Corte (San Antonio), Will Hartnett (Dallas), Phil King (Weatherford), Ralph Sheffield (Temple), John Smithee (Amarillo),  and Larry Taylor (Friendswood) - it’s gonna be interesting to see where they land. 

Don’t ya just love it when it gets down to the nut cutting brass tacks?

The speaker is done.

According to an Associated Press story in the Dallas Morning News, four members reported that Craddick is dropping his bid to remain Speaker. 

Over at the Statesman,  Representative Sid Miller dismissed Straus’ gang of 85 stating:

“I don’t think it will matter.  The dynamics of the race has changed. It’s not a Straus-Craddick race anymore. It’s a whole new day.”

Whatever you say, Sid.

The Houston Chronicle reports that the Speaker tossed in his towel.  Representative Will Hartnett (Dallas) said Craddick has withdrawn and freed his pledges.  According to Harnett, the “vast bulk” of the erstwhile speaker’s pledges are now supporting John Smithee.

So now, according to Craddick loyalists, it’s shaping up to be a Straus-Smithee race for the speaker.

Bring it on.

The King is Dead.  Long live the King!!

Per the Quorum Report, Representative Joe Straus just released these comments:

“Since entering the House, I have been guided by the very straightforward principle of representing my District first, while continually evaluating what is best for Texas - the way in which a democratic body should function.” 

“The needs of special interests and partisianship will take a back seat to doing what is right for our State at this critical time.”

“It is time for a new tone and an atmosphere of trust in the Texas House of Representatives.”

“Having received the committment of a strong majority of my colleagues, it is my goal to restore civility, fairness and transparency to the House of Representatives and its public-policy making process. 

“Speaker Tom Craddick has served  with distinction in the Texas House for four decades.  I have great respect for him personally and honor his service to the State.”

“In the coming days, I look forward to meeting with each Representative and discussing their district’s priorities.”

Straus also released a list of 83 members he says support him as speaker. 

It’s a veritable who’s who of the house - including now former speaker candidates Byron Cook, Pete Gallego, Burt Solomons, Scott Hochberg, Delwin Jones, Jim Keffer, Ed Kuempel, Brian McCall, Tommy Merritt, and Allan Ritter.

There are some notable exceptions:  Craddick D’s Harold Dutton (Houston), still speaker candidate and Craddick BFF Sly Turner (Houston); Baby Boy Gattis and his unholy trio - Kolkhorst, Hamilton, and Harless; and odd speaker candidate out John Smithee.

Let’s try some cipherin’ here:  83 supporters plus Straus his ownself equals 84, which is eight more than the 76 required to successfully stage a palace coup in the Texas House.  Those are some mighty impressive numbers.

It might be all over, ‘cept for the shoutin’ and band wagon jumpin’ on.  But the fat lady don’t sing until January 13th.

Hey, Virginia…there just may be a Santa Claus after all!

If you’ve been following the latest news and spews, it really looks like we actually might have a new speaker of the house next session. 

Wannabe blue fish include:  Pete Gallego (Alpine), Scott Hochberg (Houston), Allan Ritter (Nederland), Sefronia Thompson (Houston), and Sly Turner (Houston). 

Red fish wannabes include:  Bryon Cook (Palestine), Tom Craddick (Midland), Dan Gattis (Georgetown), Delwin Jones (Lubbock), Jim Keffer (Eastland), Ed Kuempel (Seguin), Brian McCall (Plano), Tommy Merritt (Longview), and Burt Solomons (Carrollton).  Odd fish John Smithee (Amarillo) has been announcing he’s fixin’ to announce, which at this point, may be moot.

Right now, representative Joe Straus of San Antonio is claiming the post position.  According to Harvey Kronberg over at the Quorum Report, Strauss is fixin’ to release his list of 80 members that have pledged to support him.

For all y’all who don’t grasp the significance of that announcement, remember there are 76 red fish and 74 blue fish in the Texas House of Representatives.  It only takes 76 votes to win the exclusive rights to entertain lobbyists and perch upon the $10,000 toilets in the speaker’s capitol crib.  The chances of two or more red fish somehow magically turning into blue fish is, well, as we say here in Texas, a big fat nada.  But stranger things have happened….

Straus claims he has four more pledges than that.  Hmmm.

Now, pledges are a funny thing.  These days, most aren’t worth the paper they are written on, if it looks like someone else might suck off some of your supporters.  In the House, everybody wants to ride the winning horse.  Otherwise, they’re stood in the corner for who knows how long.  Under speaker Craddick, you were publically (or privately or both) branded as a traitor (or*gasp* a RINO), stuck in the corner, treated like a pariah by one and all, until the speaker decided to end your misery and just threw your worthless butt under the bus to be ground into dust.

Our very own Baby Boy Gattis has three…yes three!!… red fish pledged to support his stab at the speakership - Lois Kilkorst (Brenham), Tuffy Hamilton (Mauriceville), and Patricia Harless (Spring).  If Craddick does manage to keep his old, cold fingers on the speaker’s gavel, Baby Boy and his unholy trio of supporters get bupkiss during the next session.  If his three red fish sneak off to another school of fish or otherwise get eaten by other, bigger badder red fish, Baby Boy gets bupkiss during the next session.  If Baby Boy and his three fishcateers hold out - they just might turn out to be the tie breakers speakermakers, and the appropriate committee plums will fall at their feet.

Craddick is a crafty old codger and he has freakin’ mountains of moolah to spread around to hang on to those high-priced pissers in his capitol crib.  While it looks like Craddick might be circling the drain, a lot can happen between now and January 13 when the members will actually cast their vote for their leader. 

We can only hope….

Texas Monthly Editor Evan Smith says that speaker Craddick has a dimocrat opponent.   Something dimocrats haven’t been able to do since…uh…..sometime before we were born.  This probably would have made the national news had it not been for Jamie Lynn Spears. 

Not that Midland City Councilman Bill Dingus has a snowball’s chance in a district so republican that even the dirt is red out there.  Now if a republican opponent were to surface in the next 14 day, that would be a horse of a different color.

Yee haw!  Bet things are starting to get mighty interesting over in the capitol crib right now.   

It’s the third Friday of the session and Speaker Craddick finally revealed his prom dates for the session.  Like most prom dates these days, they know they have to put out in exchange for this date.  Thus, the Speaker is guaranteed to score more home runs in the back seat house chambers than the entire Aggie football team after beating Texas.  

Let’s fact check our tipster and see how close the predictions were:

Agriculture & Livestock:  Rick Hardcastle (R-Vernon)  Sid Miller (R-Stephenville)

Appropriations: Warren Chisum (R-Pampa)

Border & International Affairs: Norma Chavez (D-El Paso)  Tracy King (D-Eagle Pass)

Business & Industry:  Helen Giddings (D-Dallas)

Calendars:  Beverly Woolley (R-Houston)

Civil Practices:  Patrick Rose (D-Dripping Springs)  Byron Cook (R-Corsicana)

Corrections:  Jerry Madden (R-Richardson)

County Affairs:  Wayne Smith (R-Baytown)

Criminal Jurisprudence:  Aaron Pena (D-Edinburg)

Culture, Recreation & Tourism:  Harvey Hildebran (R-Kerrville)

Defense Affairs & State-Federal Relations:  Frank Corte, Jr.  (R-San Antonio)

Economic Development - Lois Kolkorst (R-Brenham)  Joe Deshotel (D-Beaumont)

Elections:  Dwayne Bohac (R-Houston)  Leo Berman (R-Tyler)

Energy Resources:  Myra Crownover (R-Denton)  Rick Hardcastle (R-Vernon)

Environmental Regulation:  Dennis Bonnen (R-Angleton)

Financial Institutions:  Burt Solomons (R-Carrollton)

General Investigating and Ethics:  Tracy King (D-Eagle Pass)  Larry Phillips (R-Sherman)

Government Reform:  John Otto (R-Liberty)  Bill Callegari (R-Houston)

Higher Education:  Geanie Morrison (R-Victoria)

House Adminstration:  Leo Berman (R-Tyler) Tony Goolsby (R-Dallas)

Human Services:  Vickie Truitt (R-Keller)  Patrick Rose (D-Dripping Springs)

Insurance:  John Smithee (R-Amarillo)

Judiciary:  Will Hartnett (R-Dallas)

Juvenile Justice & Family Issues:  Harold Dutton (D-Houston)

Land & Resource Management:  Anna Mowery (R-Fort Worth) 

Law Enforcement:  Joe Driver (R-Garland)

Licensing & Administrative Procedures:  Kino Flores (D-Mission)

Local & Consent Calendars:  Charlie Howard (R-Sugar Land)

Local Government Ways & Means:  Fred Hill (R-Richardson)

Natural Resources:  Robert Puente (D-San Antonio)

Pensions & Investments:  Dan Flynn (R-Van) Vicki Truitt (R-Keller)

Public Education:  Rob Eissler (R-The Woodlands)

Public Health:  Dianne White Delisi (R-Temple)

Redistricting:  Joe Crabb (R-Atascocita)

Regulated Industries:  Phil King (R-Weatherford)

Rules & Resolutions:  Dan Branch (R-Dallas)  Ruth Jones McClendon (D-San Antonio)

State Affairs:  David Swinford (R-Dumas)

Transportation:  Mike Krusee (R-Round Rock)

Urban Affairs:  Kevin Bailey (D-Houston)

Ways & Means:  Jim Keffer (R-Eastland)

Next Tuesday is the big vote on whether or not to suspend the rules to hear non-emergency bills.  Lather up you little cuties……

Rumor has it (and by rumor we mean this DID NOT come from Speaker Craddick) that the Speaker will announce his committee chairs tomorrow.  That’s lame.  Whatever news it would generate will be drowned out by W’s SOTU tommorrow.  

We say, what the heck!  We’ve gone two weeks without any committees - what’s the rush??  How about this - let’s not appoint ANY house committee chairs this session and let the members actually work the bills from the floor.  What a concept!   Of course, the speaker would need a bigger apartment to hold all the fat cats and lobbyists.  Maybe we should line the back halls with portapotties to handle the overflow….. 

A little birdie told us that Craddick is giving Patrick Rose a chairmanship in advance of Rose’s switching parties at the end of the session.  Hmmm.  Don’t know if we believe that one or not.  Could be that little birdie’s itty bitty bird brain is being slowly consumed by those deadly Congress Avenue parasites…

Only 127 days left until sine die.

After winning reelection as Speaker, Craddick mumbled and stumbled around a bit and played coy about his committee chair selections, reminding everyone that he was a changed speaker.  Then, Lt. Governor David Dewhurst announced the Senate Committee chairs last Friday and said his team is ready to begin the work they were sent to Austin to do.  Too bad it takes the House so darn long to get their act together.

According to one of our tipsters, Speaker Craddick has chosen his 40 committee chairs.   Of the 15 committees with new chairs, seven remained in republican control, one remained in dimocrat control, and four changed over to republican control.  It’s those remaining three that went from the republican side to the dimocrat side that we are having a hard time wrapping our heads around.  We’re not saying it was all payback or quid pro quo for speaker votes reflected in these selections, but some long-time BFFs are toast.   We highlighted the dimocrats just to keep our readers on their toes.

Agriculture & Livestock: Rick Hardcastle (R-Vernon)

Appropriations: Jim Pitts (R-Waxahachie) Warren Chisum (R-Pampa) - We’re betting total payback on this one.

Border & International Affairs:  Norma Chavez (D-El Paso)

Business & Industry:  Helen Giddings (D-Dallas)

Calendars:  Beverly Woolley (R-Houston)

Civil Practices:  Joe Nixon (R-Houston) Patrick Rose (D-Dripping Springs) Nixon gave up his seat to run for Senate & lost in the primary.  Too bad, so sad.  But why replace him with a dimocrat?

Corrections:  Jerry Madden (R-Richardson)

County Affairs:  Wayne Smith (R-Baytown)

Criminal Jurisprudence:  Terry Keel (R-Austin) Aaron Pena (D-Edinburg)  Terry Keel gave up his seat to run for the Court of Criminal Appeals.  He lost.  Too bad, so sad, but why replace the chair with a dimocrat?

Culture, Recreation, & Tourism:  Harvey Hildebran (R-Kerrville)

Defense Affairs & State-Federal Relations:  Frank Corte, Jr (R-San Antonio)

Economic Development:  Allan Ritter (D-Nederland) Lois Kolkorst (R-Brenham) Too bad for the dimocrat chair.

Elections:  Mary Denny (R-Aubrey) Dwayne Bohac (R-Houston) Denny decided not to run again

Energy Resources:  Buddy West (R-Odessa) Myra Crownover (R-Denton) What did Buddy ever do to Craddick?  Any guesses?  Our memory is not quite what it used to be…..

Environmental Regulation:  Dennis Bonnen (R-Angleton)

Financial Institutions:  Burt Solomons (R-Carrollton)

General Investigating and Ethics:  (Kevin Bailey D-Houston) Tracy King (D-Eagle Pass) Any guesses here?

Government Reform:  Carlos Uresti (D-San Antonio) John Otto (R-Liberty)  How about a guess on this one?  At least the chair went to a republican.

Higher Education:  Geanie Morrison (R-Victoria)

House Administration:  Peggy Hamrick (R-Houston) Leo Berman (R-Tyler)  Peggy Hamrick gave up her seat to run for Senate & lost in the primary.  Too bad, so sad.  At least Craddick replaced her with a republican.

Human Services:  Suzanna Gratia Hupp (R-Kileen)  Vicki Truitt (R-Keller)  Gratia Hupp decided not to run again, but at least the chair stays republican.

Insurance:  John Smithee (R-Amarillo)

Judiciary:  Will Hartnett (R-Dallas)

Juvenile Justice & Family Issues:  Harold Dutton (D-Houston)

Land & Resource Managment:  Anna Mowery (R-Fort Worth)

Law Enforcement: Joe Driver (R-Garland)

Licensing & Administrative Procedures:  Kino Flores (D-Mission)

Local & Consent Calendars:  Elvira Renya (R-Mesquite) Charlie Howard (R-Sugar Land)  Renya lost in the primary.  Too bad, so sad, but our side of the aisle kept the chair.

Local Government Ways & Means:  Fred Hill (R-Richardson)

Natural Resources:  Robert Puente (D-San Antonio)

Pensions & Investments:  Craig Eiland (D-Galveston) Dan Flynn (R-Van) Total Payback!  At least we got a republican chair out of it.

Public Education:  Kent Grusendorf (R-Arlington) Rob Eissler (R-The Woodlands) Lost his seat during the primary.  Too bad, so sad.  Again, a keeper for our side.

Public Health:  Dianne White Delisi (R-Temple)

Redistricting:  Joe Crabb (R-Atascocita)

Regulated Industries:  Phil King (R-Weatherford)

Rules & Resolutions:  Al Edwards (D-Houston) Dan Branch (R-Dallas) Lost his seat in the primary.  Too bad, so sad, but we got a republican chair out of it.

State Affairs:  David Swinford (R-Dumas)

Transportation:  Mike Krusee (R-Round Rock)

Urban Affairs:  Robert Talton (R-Pasadena) Kevin Bailey (D-Houston)  Total payback!  Why give this over to a dimocrat?

Ways & Means:  Jim Keffer (R-Eastland)

One of the “improvements” to the Texas House Chamber is the lege’s very own version of the Brushy Creek Apts BUF sign.  This glaring monstrosity welcomes visitors and tourists with Speaker Craddick’s name crawling across it in red lights.  We always knew that the lobby whores elected members belonged in a red light district but we never thought they’d actually install a bunch of red lights in the capitol to prove it…. 

If you thought our lege couldn’t get any tackier, boy were you wrong.  According to the Houston Chronicle’s Peggy Fikac, we can nominate dimocrat Richard Raymond for the first Martha Wong  ”It seemed like a good idea at the time” award of the session.  We will now be treated to the words ”In God We Trust” in the crawl.  Raymond wanted the message to his fellow members, “to remind us to whom we answer”.

In the excitement and all, only two members (Howard and Burnam) seemed to remember that “In God We Trust” isn’t in the Holy Bible.  However, it is printed on all our good old American folding money, seeing as it is our national motto.  Wonder just which bushel full of dead presidents they wanted to remember they answer to?  

Of course, all of this piety is just for show for the folks back home.  The motto won’t be there when members are using the sign for lege business during a session.  

Maybe some hacker will add the punchline, “All others pay cash.”  Wonder how long it would take them to notice?