Sheesh!  You go out of town on vacation and things just start poppin’ like illegal fireworks inside the city limits.

Hapless Mike “Squeaker” Krusee got busted for drunk driving by the Highway Patrol.  The Statesman was nice enough to print a copy of his mugshot and KEYE TV posted the Trooper’s complaint so we can all rejoice vicariously enjoy experience his misfortune. 

Krusee was busted about 10 o’clock last Wednesday night, just hours after Governor Perry didn’t appoint him to the Texas Transportation Commission.  Talk about drowning your sorrows….

We can only surmise that Krusee may have thought his State Official license plates were some sort of license to drive drunk.  Who knows, maybe they were…at least until they expired last year.  Can you say dumber than dirt? 

Krusee lawyer’ed up and refused a breath test and didn’t submit to a blood test.  According to the complaint, he was stinkin’ drunk, but without the tests we’ll never know exactly how stinkin’ drunk he was.  Of course, like most drunk drivers, he claimed he only had “one glass of wine”.  Yeah, yeah, we know that’s lame ass drunk talk, but it sure must have been some awfully stout wine for one glass to make him bleary-eyed drunk.  Either that, or the poor schmuck just can’t hold his liquor.   

No wonder he used to be speaker Craddick’s former BFF. Talk about a cheap vote. 

Thank God for DPS Trooper Michael Scheffler (and all the Troopers and Police Officers just like him) who are willing to do their sworn duty to protect citizens of Texas, no matter what.  We don’t know how many innocent lives Scheffler saved by stopping Krusee when he did and arresting him.  We do know that, thanks to him, there was one less drunk driver careening down the road last Wednesday night.

We also know he probably saved Krusee’s life last Wednesday.  Whether it was worth it or not remains to be seen. 

Here are some early returns info:

House District 52:   (98 of 99 precincts reporting)

Hobbs      Early  645 (49.88)  Total   1,432  (46.39%)

Daniels     Early  648 (50.11)  Total   1,655  (53.61%)

Congressional District 22:  (37% of precincts reporting)

Sekula-Gibbs  Early  1,596 (39.64%)   Today  619  (43.38%) = 2,683  (40.58%)

Olson             Early  2,430 (60.36%)   Today  808  (56.62%) = 3,929  (59.42%)

Travis County District Attorney:  (84% of precincts reporting)

Lehmberg   Early  7,402  (63.71%)    Today  9,285  (65.14%)  =  16,687  (64.50%)

Montford     Early  4,216  (36.29%)   Today  4,962  (34.86%)  =  9,184  (35.50%)

Harris County District Attorney:  (37% of precincts reporting)

Lycos     Early 7,759  (52.66%)   Today  1,292  (48.77%) = 15,277  (53.37%)

Siegler   Early  6,974 (47.34%)    Today  1,357  (51.23%) =  13,348  (46.63%)

UPDATE   UPDATE   UPDATE:

House District 52:  Final Unofficial Results

Hobbs  1,432   (46.37%)

Daniel   1,656  (53.63%)   Craddick supporter who will trounce dimocrat Diana Maldonado in November

Montgomery County District Attorney:  Final Unofficial Results

Mike McDougal   5,411  (Incumbent Lame Duck)

Brett Ligon       7,159

Harris County District Attorney (95% of precincts reporting):

Lykos   19,810  (52.69%)  

Siegler  17,786  (47.31%)

Congressional District 22 (78% of precincts reporting):

Sekula Gibbs      7,531  (relegated to forever be a Congressional footnote)

Olson              16,147

For all you lazy bones out there in HD 52, this post is for you.  Yes, you. 

We were proud of the 10,344 of you that somehow managed to get yourself to the polls to vote in the republican primary.  We were as proud as a new mama when 4,292 of you voted early in the primary - just like good republicans are supposed to do. 

This time around, according to the Quorum Report, a mere 1,318 have even bothered to mosey over to the polls to vote in the runoff.  Hells bells, that’s just shameful. 

We figured if some 3,000 republicans died or something in Wilco World during the past month, we surely would have heard about it before now.  Even that liberal, commie-lovin’ *newspaper* printed down south of the Wilco border would had to have printed something about 3,000 dead republicans in one place.  Far as we can tell, there’s been no deadly outbreak of ebola, dengue fever, or third-world bird flu over in HD 52.  

Just in case you’ve been in outer space or in a mental hospital or something since the primary, you have two choices in the runoff:  Dee Hobbs and Bryan Daniel.  There’s been some sign stealing, lyin’, and cheatin’ going on in this campaign.  Which is as it should be.  The sneaky tricks are rookie level, but show some real promise for the future…if that’s what you like in your politicians (which we do).

Get your buns out of bed and go vote first thing this morning. 

You’ll be glad you did.

Tomorrow is runoff election day - which will be good for some candidates and really suck for others.   Here are some of the races around Texas we will be watching tomorrow.

Travis County District Attorney:  A hair-pullin’, bodice-rippin’ grrrlfight between Rosemary Lehmberg and Mindy Montford.  Too bad our red-headed step-children to the south of us couldn’t find a single, solitary republican lawyer to run for Ronnie Earle’s open seat. 

Montgomery County District Attorney:  A gentlemanly-man snooze fest, interrupted by occassional ”oops” between the incumbent Mike McDougal and challenger Brett Ligon.  Ligon looks kinda like that weird cop on Law and Order Criminal Intent, while Mikey’s been the subject of a prior post (See Party On), after being caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  What we like best (well, really the only thing we like about the incumbent) is that he’s got the brass cajones to put a f*ing smiley faces all over his campaign website.  Check it out!

Harris County District Attorney:  Another crazy grrrrl fight between Canadian- & Joel Olsteen-hater Kelly Siegler and former judge Pat Lycos.  Both are battling for the seat vacated by Lovestruck Chuck Rosenthal.  The winner gets to face dimocrat and former Houston Top Cop Clarence Bradford.  This is going to be one bloody brawl worth watching.  Too bad the real losers in this campaign are the citizens of Harris County, who’ll get stuck with one of the unholy trio as their DA.

Congressional District 22:  What a mess.  A very expensive mess.  Former Congresswoman (if you consider spending six weeks a ”term”) Witch Doctor Shelley Sekula Gibbs squares off against carpet bagger former congressional staffer Pete Olson.  Both have spent gazillions of dollars for the chance to spend gazillions more to face incumbent dimocrat Nick Lampson in November.

House Districts 55, 81, 112, and 144:  We have the pro-Craddick candidates versus the anti-Craddick candidates or just people the speaker wants to get even with for a real or imagined slight.  We’re hoping the $1,000 toilets in Craddick’s capitol crib get a real workout tomorrow night. 

We get a lot of emails.  A LOT of emails.  In fact, we got one today from GOPUSA.  Since it is a republican organization, we thought we would give them a chance to set things right before we relegate them to the spam bin forevermore.

If you check out our previous post, Burn Baby Burn, you’ll see that we harshly -and deservedly- criticized retired Generals Arthur “Chip” Dielh, III and Tommy Franks for lending their name, rank, and reputations to a couple of fundraising operations, the Coalition to Salute America’s Heroes and Help Hospitalized Veterans.  A direct-mail venture that funded lavish lifestyles for its founders Roger Chapin, Mike Lynch, and Richard A. Viguerie.

As we said, we will give GOPUSA the benefit of the doubt.  Perhaps GOPUSA can explain to us why they are promoting these disgraceful organizations.  Even with the disclaimer that the email, signed by “General Chip Dielh”, is from one of their “sponsoring advertisers” it still rankles.  Especially since it is a fundraising ploy of the worst ilk, preying upon the sympathies and patriotism of Americans for our wounded servicemen and women.  

It’s hard to defend the indefensible, guys, but we’re willing to give you a chance.   Elsewise, we’re going to ask for a special seat in hell for GOPUSA, too. 

Early Voting results here in the land of Wilco - state-wide results are too incomplete to bother with at this point:

McCain   7,398  (56%)     Huckabee   4,040  (30%)    Paul   1,069 (8%)

Obama    13,985 (59%)     Her Royal Clintoness  9,313  (39%)

Court of Criminal Appeals, Place 4:      Womack   6,568  (66%)      Francis   3,346 (33%)

State Rep - HD 52:  Hobbs   1,337 (31%)   Daniel   1,360  (31%)   Sullivan   379  (8%)    Gordon  1,216  (28%)

Commissioner, Pct 1:    Birkman  1,088  (52%)     Laukhuf   973  (47%)

Constable, Pct 1:   Chody   1,152 (58%)     Griffin   811 (41%)

It’s gonna be a looooooong night for some of our candidates. 

UPDATE  UPDATE  UPDATE:   Huckkkabee has dropped out of the race.  Buh bye.

UPDATE  UPDATE   UPDATE:  It’s 11:15PM, the polls have been closed for more than four hours and still no electronic voting results.  They’re supposed to be sooooo much faster and better than the old-timey paper ballots.  Uh huh…

Up and at ‘em.  For those of y’all too busy to make it to the polls in the past two weeks, today is the day. 

It’s your last chance.  So far, the dimocrats are out voting us by 588,540 votes state-wide and by 10,139 here.  Who knew there were 23,252 dimocrats lurking about…

If you don’t vote, you can’t bitch.

This just in:  One of our fine, feathered little friends (a tipster) just happened to mention that speaker Craddick plans to replace Patrick Rose as Chair of the House Human Services Committee.  (See More’s Afoot).

Generally, we’re in favor of replacing dimocrat chairs with republican chairs (See The Game’s Afoot).  But, Human Services?  Come on.  Talk about the big green booger of committee assignments….don’t you just love you some of that TIERS?  Can you think of a better hellhole to park some of those dimocrat law makers?  Too bad the Agriculture & Livestock Committee is full up with republicans.

What makes it even better is the identity of Craddick’s alleged chair - the honorable ethically-challenged John Davis of Houston.  Yep, that John Davis, he of the serial double-dipping fame, who’s been fined by the Texas Ethics Commission more times than our own Paul Womack.  It truly is a match made in heaven.  

We believe the rumor is true - after all, Davis himself said it.   While we know he’s a thief, we don’t know if he’s a liar, too, so we’re giving Davis the benefit of the doubt.  For now.

It’s shaping up to be one heck of a greased pig race up in the House Chamber next January.

WTF is going on with our District Attorneys?  Harris County is still reeling from Love Struck Chuck’s email escapade.  Now, it’s neighbor to the north, Montgomery County, has a sticky little problem with its DA, too. 

According to the Houston Chronicle, the Montgomery County District Attorney, Mike McDougal, has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.  District Attorneys routinely sieze money from various vermin engaging or participating in criminal enterprises on their turf.  If your turf just happens to be located on an interstate highway, seizing those cash assets can be a real lucrative part of the administration of justice.   According to the Chronicle:

“State law says the district attorney must use the money ’solely for official puposes,’ but it does not define them.  The murkiness of the law makes it difficult to determine whether McDougal’s expenditures are out of line.”

While he spent some of the money on computers and prosecution-related expenses, it appears McDougal spent some of the money like it was cash from his campaign account or something.  He spent more than $9K on staff parties and donated $38K to local charitable organizations and a golf tournament - organizations he just happens to serve as a board member. 

McDougal told the Chronicle he saw no problem with spending the moolah on staff parties to “help boost staff morale“.  Staff parties? Golf tournaments?

We gotta call bullsh*t on you, Dude.  Since you’ve got two opponents, it’s up to the voters to decide if those expenses are out of line or not.  They just might call bullsh*t on you, too.

The Senate Criminal Justice Committee is starting to look into what we’re gonna have to do to clean up the dirty laundry of our District Attorneys.  Thanks, guys.

Let’s just take a look at the early voting numbers in Wilco World:

2008     republican     10,321     dimocrat     18,044

2004     republican     10,136     dimocrat       2,627

See anything a little off here?   Just in case you are a public school graduate, let us break it down for you.  See that big whopping 1% increase in our side?  Are you impressed?  Now check out the other side.  Did that 85% increase make you throw up in your mouth a little?

To put it another way, do you really believe that 85% of Wilco voters really could be dimocrats?    You can blame it on the northern migration of blue-blooded liberals from just south of our border or the ever-popular RINOs amongst us.  Either way, that 85 f*ing percent remains the 500 lb blue gorilla in the parlor that no one wants to talk about.  Damn, it’s enough to make your skin crawl.

Note to Texas republicans: looks like Get Out The Vote has changed to Get Out The Vasoline.  You’re in for a heck of a ride between now and November.